Table of Contents
M: “What other things did he say about you?”
Once I said to him, The forms of God and things like that, which you see in your visions, are all figments of your imagination.’ He had so much faith in my words that he went to the Divine Mother in the temple and told Her what I had said to him.
He asked Her, ‘Are these hallucinations, then?’ Afterwards he said to me, ‘Mother told me that all these are real.’“Perhaps you remember that he said to me, ‘When you sing, He who dwells here (touching his heart), like a snake, hisses as it were, and then, spreading His hood, quietly holds Himself steady and listens to your music.’
“He has no doubt said many things about me; but what have I realized?”
M: “Now you have put on the garb of Śiva; you cannot touch money. Do you remember the Master’s story?”
NARENDRA: “Please tell it to me.”
M: “A Bahurupi disguised himself as Śiva and visited a house. The master of the house wanted to give him a rupee, but he did not accept it. Then the mendicant went home, removed his disguise, came back to the gentleman, and asked for the rupee. ‘Why didn’t you accept it before?’ he was asked. He said: ‘I was impersonating Śiva, a sannyāsi. I couldn’t touch money that time.’ " When Narendra heard the story he laughed a long while. M: “You have now put on the garb of a physician, as it were. You have become the guardian of these young men. Yours is the entire responsibility. You have to bring up the brothers of the monastery.”
M: “Let people act according to their faith.”
NARENDRA: “But the Master asked us to practise sādhanā .”
Master’s love for Narendra
Narendra was again telling M. about the Master’s love for him.
M: “Yes, I know that. You once told me.”
NARENDRA: “But I didn’t get any money. The Master told me what the Divine Mother had said to him: ‘He will get simple food and clothing. He will eat rice and dāl.’
“He loved me so much! But whenever an impure idea crept into my mind he at once knew about it. While going around with Annada, sometime I found myself in the company of evil people. On those occasions the Master could not eat any food from my hands.
He could raise his hand only a little, and could not bring it to his mouth. On onesuch occasion, while he was ill, he brought his hand very close to his mouth, but it did not go in. He said to me, ‘You are not yet ready.’
“Now and then I feel great scepticism. At Baburam’s house it seemed to me that nothing existed-as if there were no such thing as God.”
M: “The Master used to say that he too had passed through that mood.”
Both M. and Narendra remained silent. Then M. said: “You are all indeed blessed! You think of the Master day and night.”
It was night. Niranjan had just returned from Puri The members of the Math, and M., greeted him with great joy. Niranjan was telling them his experiences. He was then about twenty-five years old.
The evening worship was over. Some of the brothers were meditating. But many of them assembled in the big hall around Niranjan. They were talking. After nine o’clock Śaśi offered food to the Deity.
The members of the Math finished their supper, which consisted of home-made bread, a little vegetable, and a little hard molasses.
Saturday, May 7, 1887
It was the full-moon day of the month of Vaiśākh. Narendra and M. were seated on a couch in M.’s study in Calcutta. They were talking. Just before Narendra’s arrival, M. had been studying The Merchant of Venice, Comus, and Blackie’s Self-culture, which he taught at school.
Narendra and the other brothers of the monastery were full of yearning for God- realization. A fire of intense renunciation raged in their hearts.
Narendra sat in silence a few minutes. Then he said, “I shall fast to death for the realization of God.”
M: “That is good. One can do anything for God.”
NARENDRA: “But suppose I cannot control my hunger.”
M: “Then eat something and begin over again.”
Narendra remained silent a few minutes.
It seems there is no God. I pray so much, but there is no reply-none whatsoever.
“How many visions I have seen! How many mantrās shining in letters of gold! How many visions of the Goddess Kāli! How many other divine forms! But still I have no peace. “Will you kindly give me six pice?”
Narendra asked for the money to pay his carriage hire to the Barangore Math. Just then Satkari arrived in a carriage. Of the same age as Narendra, he dearly loved the members of the monastery.
He lived near the Math and worked in Calcutta. The carriage was his own. Narendra returned the money to M. and said that he would go with Satkari in his carriage. He asked M. to give them some refreshments.
M. accompanied the two friends to the Barangore Math. He wanted to see how the brothers spent their time and practised sādhana. He wanted to see how Sri Ramakrishna, the Master, was reflected in the hearts of the disciples. Niranjan was not at the Math. He had gone home to visit his mother, the only relative he had in the world. Baburam, Sarat, and Kāli had gone to Puri. They intended to spend a few days there.
Leave a Comment
Thank you for your comment!
It will appear after review.