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Narendra was in charge of the members of the monastery. Prasanna had been practising austere sādhanā for the past few days. Once Narendra had told him of his desire to fast to death for the realization of God.
During Narendra’s absence in Calcutta, Prasanna had left the monastery for an unknown destination. When Narendra heard about it, he said to the brothers, “Why did Raja allow him to go?”
But Rakhal had not been in the monastery at the time, having gone to the Dakshineswar temple for a stroll.
Harish replied in a very low voice, “Brother Tārak asked him not to go, but still he went away.
Rakhal returned from Dakshineswar. Bhavanāth had accompanied him.
Narendra told Rakhal about Prasanna’s going away from the monastery. Prasanna had left a letter for Narendra. This was the substance of the letter: “I am going to Vrindāvan on foot.
It is very risky for me to live here. Here my mind is undergoing a change.
Formerly I used to dream about my parents and other relatives. Then I dreamt of woman, the embodiment of māyā. I have suffered twice; I had to go back to my relatives at home. Therefore I am going far away from them. The Master once told me, ‘Your people at home are apt to do anything; never trust them.’
Rakhal said: “These are the reasons for his going away. Once he remarked: ‘Narendra often goes home to look after his mother, brothers, and sisters. And he supervises the family’s lawsuit. I am afraid that I too may feel like going home, following his example.’”
Narendra remained silent.
Rakhal was talking to them about making pilgrimages. He said: “We have achieved nothing by staying here. The Master always exhorted us to realize God. Have we succeeded?”
Rakhal lay down. The other devotees were either lying down or sitting.
Narendra went out, returning after a few minutes. Rakhal was still lying down.
A member of the monastery who was also lying down said teasingly, feigning great suffering on account of his separation from God: “Ah! Please get me a knife. I have no more use for this life. I can’t stand this pain any more!”
Everybody laughed.
They were talking of Bhavanāth, whose wife had been seriously ill.
Ram Babu intended to build a temple in the garden at Kankurgachi, where some of Sri Ramakrishna’s ashes were buried.
It was dusk. Śaśi burnt incense before the picture of Sri Ramakrishna in the worship room and then before the pictures of gods and goddesses in the other rooms. The evening worship began. The members of the Math and the other devotees stood with folded hands near the door of the shrine and witnessed the Ārati. Then they all sang in chorus the following hymn to Śiva, to the accompaniment of bell and gong:
Jaya Śiva Omkara, Bhaja Śiva Omkara, Brahma Vishnu Sadasiva, Hara Hara Hara Mahadeva!
Narendra had introduced this song for the evening worship. It is sung in the temple of Śiva in Benares. It was eleven o’clock at night when their supper was over. The brothers prepared a bed for M., and all went to sleep.
It was midnight. M. was wide awake. He said to himself: “Everything is as it was before. The same Ayodhya only Rāmā is not there.” M. silently left his bed. It was the full-moon night of Vaiśākh, the thrice-blessed day of the Buddhists, associated with Buddha’s birth, realization, and passing away. M. was walking alone on the bank of the Ganges, contemplating the Master.
It was Sunday. M. had arrived the day before and was planning to stay till Wednesday. The householder devotees generally visited the monastery on Sundays.
The Yoga-vāsishta was being studied and explained. M. had heard a little about the teachings of this book from Sri Ramakrishna. It taught the absolute identity of Brahman and the soul, and the unreality of the world. The Master had forbidden him and the other householder devotees to practise spiritual discipline following the method of the Advaita Vedānta, since the attitude of the oneness of the soul and God is harmful for one still identified with the body. For such a devotee, the Master used to say, it was better to look on God as the Lord and oneself as His servant.
The conversation turned to the Yoga-vāsishta.
Presently Narendra, Tārak, and another devotee returned from the bank of the Ganges. They had intended to go to Konnagar, on the other side of the river, but had been unable to find a ferry-boat. They sat down. The conversation about the Yoga-vāsishta went on.
Narendra and the other devotees were going to the Ganges to bathe. M. accompanied them. The sun was very hot; so M. took his umbrella. Sarat, a devotee from Barangore, was going with them to take his bath. He often visited the monastery.
M. laughed. The members of the monastery were clad in Gerruā.
M. laughed and said to himself, “Is it merely the body?”
After bathing, the devotees returned to the monastery. They washed their feet and entered the worship room. Saluting the Deity, they offered flowers. Narendra was a little late in coming to the worship room. He found that there was no flower on the tray. There were only a few bel-leaves. He sprinkled the leaves with sandal-paste and offered them to Sri Ramakrishna. He rang the bell, saluted the Deity again, and joined the other brothers in the big hall, which was known as the room of the “Dānās”.
The members of the Math called themselves the “Dānās” and the “Daityās”, which mean the “ghosts” and the “demons”, the companions of Śiva. They took these names because of their utter indifference to worldly pleasures and relationships.
The southernmost room of the second floor was used for meditation, contemplation, and study, and was known as Kāli Tapasvi’s room, since Kāli used to shut himself in there most of the day. North of this room was the worship room, and north of that, again, was the room where the offerings for the worship were prepared. From this room the devotees used to watch the evening worship. North of the “offering room” was the room of the “Dānās”, a very long hall where the members of the Math used to assemble. Here the householder devotees and visitors were received. North of this hall was a small room where the devotees took their meals. East of the worship room and of Kāli Tapasvi’s room ran a long verandah, at the south-west corner of which was the library of a society of Barangore. Between Kāli Tapasvi’s room and this library was a staircase; and north of the dining room was another staircase, leading to the roof.
Narendra and the other members of the Math often spent their evenings on this roof. There they devoted a great deal of time to discussion of the teachings of Sri Ramakrishna, Sankaracharya, Ramanuja, and Jesus Christ, and of Hindu philosophy, European philosophy, the Vedas, the Puranas, and the Tantras.
Narendra, who had a beautiful voice, used to sing in the room of the “Dānās” and teach music to Sarat and a few others. Kāli used to take lessons on the instruments. Many, many happy hours they spent together in that hall, dancing and singing.
Narendra was sitting with the devotees in the room of the “Dānās”. The conversation turned to religious preaching.
Everybody laughed.
M. (to himself): “Yes, Sri Ramakrishna, too, said that he who knows God knows everything else. Further, he said to Vidyāsāgar that leading a worldly life, establishing schools, and so on are the outcome of rajas. The Master also said that Vidyāsāgar’s philanthropy was due to the influence of sattva on rajas. Such rajas is not harmful.”
After their meal the brothers of the monastery rested. M. and Chunilal were conversing. Chunilal told M. of his first visit to Sri Ramakrishna at Dakshineswar. He also told him how at one time he had felt disgusted with the world, had renounced it, and had wandered about in holy places. A few minutes later Narendra came and sat by them. He asked the younger Gopal to prepare a smoke for him. The latter had been meditating.
Everybody laughed.
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