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Following this, one evening in the third week of April, I was going for a walk with Baba.
Vaeshakhii Purnima was at the end of the first week of May. I thought that there was time and thought that as Baba had asked me to got why should I not pay a quick visit?
So, following Baba’s instructions I set out for home. There I met my father.
My parents were extremely happy to see me. As there were educational difficulties in my home village, my father said he had sent my family to Siwan where my wife and children were staying with my younger brother.
After staying one day with my parents, my father asked me to go to Siwan to see my family.
Following my father’s instructions, I left for Siwan. When I touched my father’s feet to take his leave - father was over powered with emotion.
He began to weep and his voice choked. I asked if I should cancel my visit to Siwan. But he said that I should go with pleasure. He also instructed that if possible before returning to Jamalpur I should also go to Delhi to find out what happened to my second appeal?
I agreed with him.
My Father’S Death
On April 20, 1955 I reached Siwan and found that my wife and children were happy and healthy.
My younger brother was out of station but he returned the next day. After staying there a couple of days I started for Delhi on April 22.
My younger brother requested me to drop at Chapra on the way as he had some work there, which I could perform.
On the same day, I reached Chapra and was visiting a friend of mine when I received a telephone call from my brother in Siwan informing me that my father had expired that very day and I should reach home leaving all other work.
I could not believe the news as I had left father on the 19th in perfectly health. My brother said that he had got the news confirmed, so, I immediately left Chapra for home.
When I reached Sonepur, it came to my mind that there was a tradition in my family to perform the last rites of the diseased at Hajipur Ghat, and that they may be bringing my father’s dead body to this site.
I realised that if I travelled by rail I may cross the cortege on the way, and I would not get a last sight of my father, so I left the train at Hajipur and hired a taxi and started towards my home by road.
After travelling some 14-15 miles, I saw that a large number of persons were walking with my father’s dead body towards Hajipur. Amongst them there were some very old men, so I sent them in the taxi and myself followed my father’s dead body on foot.
After reaching Hajipur Konhara Ghat, we cremated the body there and returned home. Shraddha was performed in the traditional way, as Baba had not yet given us the book “Carya Carya” with the procedures for the last rites.
From the day of receiving the information about my father’s death up to the day of completion of the shraddha, it appeared as if prior arrangements had already been made about all that I was required to do from time to time.
As soon I would think of something, arrangements would be made as if automatically. It appeared that my thinking and actions had their source and control somewhere outside me.
By the time shraddha ceremony was complete. Vaeshakhii Purnima was past and I could not participate in the celebrations. I was extremely unhappy that I could not take part in this very first celebration of Baba’s birthday.
I felt like weeping again and again that day. My father expired at the age of sixty-one or sixty-two. Mostly people had an impression that he passed away at a good age. Just second day after theshraddha, a singer came to my house after taking some rest he sang some devotional songs.
One of these songs was: -
Hari Om Hari Om Mana tarapata Hari darshana ko —- Tum bin bigare sagare ka ja Binati karata hum rakhiya la ja Mana tarapata……
He sang this song with such devotional melody that I began to weep continuously. That day I wept so much that my eyes were raining like a monsoon cloud.
Those who saw me thought that this was happening because of the said demise of my father.
I was sad due to that also, but my sadness had increased manifold due to my inability to partake of the Guru Purnima celebrations also.
My father was extremely fortunate as before his death he did not become dependent on any of us and he died while in prayer. He died on the eleventh day of the lunar month when he was fasting and while he was doing his puja.
After the shraddha, I was thinking one day about how unlucky I was that I could not be present at the feet of my Guru on His birthday.
Then I suddenly remembered how, while giving me permission to celebrate Guru Purnima, Baba had asked whether I would be able to celebrate it.
How, after my entreaties He had given permission for the celebrations to go ahead but in a manner that it may not be possible for me to make the celebrations. At the time of giving the permission Baba had said, “All right celebrate if you can.”
The indication was adequate that I would not be able to celebrate, but at that time I was not able to understand. I had no thought to come home, but this was also due to Baba’s instructions.
Even then I did not know that Baba was sending me home to have my last darshan of my father. It was a great kindness of Baba that he gave me this chance. Otherwise, I could have regretted all my life.
I Miss The DMC and Baba Sends His Condolences
On the fourth day after the Mahacakra, I received a letter.
It came from my senior brother disciple and was sent on the instructions from Baba.
In the letter Baba had sent his condolence on the death of my father. There was another thing in the letter the reading of which moved me greatly.
My senior brother disciple had written that finding me absent from the Mahacakra, Baba had said “Nagina’s absence is something like performing a yajina, where there may be no portion for Shiva.” As I read this line, tears began to flow from my eyes with great emotions and I felt uneasy to have Baba’s darshan as soon as possible.
Somehow I stayed two or three days more at home and thereafter leaving the burden of the family on my younger brother, I came back to Jamalpur. I reached that very evening Baba’s residence for His darshan.
After my sastaunga pranam Baba said:
I did not understand.
I folded my hands and expressed my gratitude, saying, “Baba you are great.”
I realised why Baba had not initiated my father. He had put the condition that my father would not ask other question except those relevant to initiation.
Even after knowing this condition, my father had other questions. Baba was kind enough to reply those questions and my father was completely satisfied with those replies, but when he requested for initiation, Baba said:
Within almost a month of the darshan of Baba my father expired. Baba is omnipotent and omniscient.
He saw that the life of my father was about to come to an end and therefore he did not initiate him. He would not have been able to do anything even after taking the initiation as he had little time left in this life.
Therefore, it was a great grace of Baba that he granted liberation to my father. All praise to almighty Baba who showers blessings on his disciples.
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