BABA’S IISTA MANTRA

MARCH 22, 1955

Right from the start, the evening of Tuesday 22 March 1955 seemed to be different from other evenings, though I knew of no reason why it should be. As usual, I went for Baba darshan in the evening, and was waiting for the door to be opened. As I was waiting, a soft sound of music came from His sitting room fro behind the closed doors. This was something different to usual and I was thinking that perhaps Baba’s younger brother was singing. Just then the door opened and I found that Baba Himself was singing “Hari, Hari” in a melodious and musical voice.

Baba was in a very happy mood that day and He opened the door and sat on a chair. I did my sastaunga pranam and Baba blessed me, “Shubhamastu” (Be blessed). When I stood up after fro my prostration, Baba asked me to sit down on a chair in front of Him with a small writing table between us.

As I sat down, Baba closed His eyes and after a few minutes, His head nodded forward on His chest. As He was wearing glasses that threatened to fall off, I rose from my seat and intertwined my fingers to make a resting-place for Baba’s head. I rested Baba’s head in my hands. As His head touched my hands, Baba started as if He had awakened from sleep and asked, “Who”? Nagina? When did you come?” I said, “Baba, I came only a little while ago. I have just done my pranam and You asked me to sit.”

“Baba said, “Well! Well !” and then again fell silent. I rose and occupied my seat again. I knew that Baba used to go for His evening walk after His sadhana, so I presumed that Baba had just come out of samadhi and that these were the lingering after-effects of samadhi making Baba lose consciousness like this. As I was thinking this, His head again began droop forward. At this, my first suspicions turned to conviction that Baba was experiencing the after-effects of samadhi. As I saw Baba’s head falling once more onto His chest, I again rushed forward and placed it on the bed of my interlaced fingers. Once more Baba started up and looked straight at me. This time I said, “Baba, your spectacles will fall off” and saying this, I took them off His face and placed them on the table. This time Baba did not say anything but gestured that I should sit as His feet. I sat down on the floor and began to gently press His feet and in a few minutes someone knocked at the door. I was in a dilemma whether to open the door or not. Another knock came and Baba gestured feebly as if very weak, that I should open the door. I got up and opened the door and admitted Shri Pranay Kumar Chatterjee, a senior disciple and acarya, who was also the general secretary of the Samgha. I came back and sat at Baba’s feet and Pranayji drew up a chair and sat on it by my side. It was the last week of March and the weather was already hot, and Pranayji wiped his face with his handkerchief and then began to fan himself with it.Baba was sitting very quietly all this time, and I was wondering what was happening to Him. I was waiting for Shri Pranayji to look at me so that I could draw his attention to Baba’s condition, but he was busy cooling himself with his handkerchief. After some time, Baba called him in a very feeble voice and indicated that he should sit with me at His feet. When Baba spoke he whispered in a feeble voice with great difficulty as if very weak. I had been holding Baba’s feet all this time and felt that they were now getting very, very cold. I became increasingly anxious and grasping Shri Pranaji’s hands also, made him also feel Baba’s feet. I had never seen Baba in this condition ever before and I was feeling bewildered and confused and increasingly anxious. Baba’s voice broke our worried silence as we sat holding Baba’s feet. His voice was as feeble as the buzz of a dying insect, but His words commanded our attention like a clap of thunder. “Today my very dear acarya and very dear disciple are before me whilst my samskaras are exhausting . What better opportunity will there ever be!” As Baba said this Pranayji began to sob and weep and said, “Baba what are you saying?” Thus far I had not grasped the situation. I was a new sadhaka and I did not know what was meant by exhausting the samskaras. In confusion I looked from Baba and then to Shri Pranayji who was weeping continuously. He said, “This Ananda Marga which You have just created has not yet been able to stand on its own legs and You are thinking of leaving the body! What will become of this? What will become of us?” It was then that I realised that Baba was talking about giving up His physical body and was thrown into the same grief and shock as Shri Pranayji. I felt as if the very earth was slipping away from beneath my feet. Now both of us were weeping, pleading and beseeching Baba to keep His body. Desperately we clung to His feet as if we could somehow restrain Him by force. “Give me up, let me go!” Baba repeated over and over, but not knowing why, I could not let go of His feet. In an attempt to deflect us, Baba said,“Take savikalpa samadhi, take nirvikalpa samadhi- but let me go!” But Pranayji merely replied, “Baba we will not accept this.” Gradually Baba’s voice became weaker and weaker until no words but only air escaped from His throat. He began with His own hands to remove our hands from His feet. Whatever restraint remained broke down and we began to weep in utter helplessness. I could think of nothing but that our fortunes were now so reversed that Baba is now tearing our hands from His feet Himself? Even though Baba applied force, I did not let go my hold of His feet. When Shri Pranayji wanted to give up and let go, I caught his hands and made him keep hold Baba’s feet also. In those anxious moments when I did not know what to do and what not to do, one feeling grew stronger in me, that Baba would not give up His body as long as we continued to hold His feet.With this conviction, I continued to hold Baba’s feet firmly with both hands, weeping and pleading with Him, “Baba, do not go away leaving us shelterless and helpless.” At one point, Baba gave such a strong push that both of us lost our hold on His feet but we again seized hold again and began to helplessly beseech and plead with Him not to abandon us. By now even our voices were becoming weakened due to prolonged weeping. I was thinking of all my hopes of time to be spent with Baba and the loss of those dreams that now seemed imminent. Every moment seemed like an age and we lost count of time. BABA TAKES A SAMKALPA I did not know how long we had been pleading and weeping, but at last Baba took pity on our despair and sorrow and said, “Peace! Peace!’ I am taking a samkalpa (determination)”. Shrii Pranayji let go of Baba’s feet but I kept hold. I asked, “Baba, should I really give up my hold? Do you promise to remain?” Baba replied, “Yes, I am taking a samkalpa”. I said, “Baba, take samkalpa for a long time”. Then with a heavy heart I gave up my hold of His lotus feet. Baba told Shri Pranayji, “Help me sit in the lotus posture.” Shri Pranayji assisted Baba who assumed the lotus posture seated on His chair whilst we sat some distance from Him watching Him closely. For some time, Baba sat silent in padmasana with His eyes closed. When at last He finished and assumed a n easy posture, I asked, “Baba, for how much more time have You taken Your samkalpa? Have you done it for a long period?” “Yes” said Baba and a wave of relief swept over me. Now that the critical moment had passed, the enormity of what had transpired struck me, leaving me shaken, I thought of what might have happened if Shri Pranayji and I not been there. After some time Baba started for His walk. He moved that day with slow steps. We three walked for some distance together and then Shri Pranayji went to the ashram and I went on alone with Baba.

BABA’S IISTA MANTRA

After walking some distance, Baba again began to repeat “Hari, Hari.”

I asked why He was chanting it.

When we reached the far side of the bridge on the edge of the field, Baba told me to go as He wished to go to the field alone that day. He said that some people had an appointment with Him in the field and that they would come there.

Meanwhile I saw Harisdhanji coming towards us. I requested him to go with Baba as far as possible and told him to be observant and if Baba started repeating “Hari, Hari”, to request Him not to chant this mantra. Harisdhanji agreed and accompanied Baba on His way. I reluctantly returned.

At about ten in the night Harisdhanji returned and I enquired about Baba.

He said, ”Baba continued to chant “Hari, Hari’. First I asked him not to, but then I also began to enjoy His chanting, so listened in silence.”

I was furious. “When I asked you to see to it that Baba does not repeat that mantra why did you not follow my instructions? How could anyone rely on you?”

He said that he had left Baba safely at His residence shortly before, but I was nevertheless anxious and worried, and sleeplessly continued to worry about Baba all through the night.

In the morning when I reached the ashram, Shri Pranyji told me that he had already gone for Baba’s darshan that morning, and Baba was perfectly all right. In the evening I went to Baba’s residence to do my pranam, and also accompanied Him on His walk in the field. He was still walking very slowly but I was satisfied that He seemed in good health. After that Baba continued to go for His evening walks each day but as His pace continued slow, I began to wonder whether Baba was indeed not yet His normal self.