I RECEIVE MY DEMOTION ‘WHEN I WILL IT’

The first and second of January 1955 were holidays. I, therefore, did not go to the office, nor have a chance to read my mail. On the third of January, when I went to the office, a big bunch of letters awaited my attention. One of the postcards was from a brother disciple.

This was written in Jamalpur. There was another official letter in my name. First I read the postcard.

Shri Pranayji had written that Baba enquired about me on 1 of January 1955 at the ashram-quarter in Jamalpur. As I was not there Baba said amongst other disciples that Nagina stands first in 1954. He wanted this to be communicated to me through a letter.

I was in a state of worry and fear and I tried to understand the significance of this letter. Meanwhile I opened the official letter and found that it contained the order of my demotion. Thus did bad news follow the good. I thought of God’s greatness and how He had given me a mixture of pleasure and sorrow in one composite dose.

I gave the demotion order to my office and wrote on that letter itself to keep my charge report ready. There was quite a stir in the office when they saw this order. My subordinates felt sorry, some were happy also. My head clerk pointed out that this copy was personal and that it was not necessary to pass it on to the office.

Mostly such orders are not made public and people come to know the truth much later. I said, “what is the use of hiding the truth for any time and how long can it be done? After all truth will be out one day - then why not just now?” At this my head clerk passed the order on to the office.

Shri Deep Narayanji was also in my department and his posting was under me. He was also present in the office that day. He was overwhelmed with grief and suggested that this order should be shown to Baba. I said that was of no use.

Even so, he insisted made me write a letter to Baba to inform Him about this matter. He saw Baba on fourth January and Baba replied to my letter in the following way:

Jamalpur. January 4 1955

Kalyaniyesu Nagina,

Just make an appeal to the competent authority. The punishment imposed on and from December 26th should be withdrawn without any further delay else I fear misfortunes will come one after another.

Yours Ashirvadak, Anandamurti

I was very sad. Deep Narayanji brought to me this letter of Baba on the evening of 4th January at Begusarai but I do not know why I was not very enthusiastic even afterreading Baba’s letter.

I said, “if according to destiny I must suffer pain and difficulties, then let them pour in a stream. Let them come, I shall bear them. Now I shall not request for the withdrawal of the punishment. Will the withdrawal of the punishment remove the incoming difficulties? If not, what is the use?”

I thought, at worst, I shall be rendered a beggar or an invalid or I may face humiliation.

All right, let me have all these things, but I will not go to Jamalpur to Baba for withdrawal of my punishment. As I said these words, Deep Narayanji began to weep like a child and while weeping began to insist that I must go to Jamalpur. His tears moved me and I was forced to go. He still insisted that I should go in the night itself.

A journey to Jamalpur in the night was very inconvenient so I wanted to go there the next morning. But the insistence and the stream of tears of Deep Narayanji compelled me to go to Jamalpur in the night itself.

Although my relation with Deep Narayanji was official and we are also disciple brothers, but there was so much of love and affection in this weeping and his insistence, which is rare even in ones own relations. I could not say no to his sincere and loving insistence.

BABA WITHDRAWS MY PUNISHMENT AND BLESSES ME

I had Baba’s Darshan on 5 January 1955 in the morning and I did my pranam without touching Him.

Baba said, “You were given two punishments, first that you could not touch me and secondly you could not participate in gurupuja. Now, one of them can be withdrawn as per your choice.” So far I had not learnt gurupuja lesson. I, therefore, did not know how it was done and what it was, so I requested for permission to touch Him. Baba hesitated and asked, “So you want only the permission to touch.” I replied in the affirmative. I came to know later on that had I asked for gurupuja, it would have meant the withdrawal of both the punishments simultaneously. But due to my ignorance about gurupuja, I could not do so. When Baba permitted me to touch Him, I immediately placed my head on His lotus feet and fell prostrate before Him in sastaung pranam. As my head touched His feet, tears started incessantly pouring down from my eyes. Along with the weeping I felt a sweet soothing sensation in my heart which was highly pleasant. I remained there lying at His feet for a long time, washing them with my tears. I got the punishment in the evening of 26th December 1954, and it was th withdrawn on the morning of 5 January 1955. Thus I was deprived from touching His feet only for ten days, but when I did touch His feet, it appeared that I was getting this chance not only after years, but many lifetimes. Even at other times a month would sometimes elapse before I could come to Baba and thus there was no chance for this time to touch His feet, but this gap of ten days appeared like ages. I lay at His feet for quite some time. I was not willing to leave His feet. But when Baba said, “Uttishtha” (get up), again and again, I got up and sat down at His feet. Even after that the tears continued to flow. By now it was time for Baba to go, but He continued to stay for my sake. I did not want to go, out with tears in my eyes. When Baba asked me to leave, I said “Baba, I am weeping how can I go out. The world will only understand that I was weeping because of my demotion, while they would not know the truth, which is quite different”.Baba sat for some more time and I continued to sit with Him. When the flow of tears subsided somewhat I came out and silently went to Bindeshwariji’s residence along with Deep Narayanji. My tears had stopped but the sweet sensation in the heart continued almost for the whole day. I could not go to the office at Begusarai that day and applied for a day’s casual leave.

That evening I also went to that house in the railway colony which had been converted into an ashram. Deep Narayanji was also with me. As Baba was to come here, we waited for Him. Baba came in the evening and every one present did sastaunga pranam to Him.

That day Baba talked of philosophy and said that this school of philosophy will be called ‘Ananda Marga’. He said, “The philosophy and the object of sadhana is ‘ananda’ or ‘absolute bliss’. Therefore this has been named Ananda Marga”. Then Baba said about the practice of Sahaj Yoga, “’Saha Jayate Iti Sahaj’, that which is inborn, that which is natural or easy, is ‘Sahaj Yoga’. To get bliss is the natural aim of everyone that is why it is called ‘Ananda Marga’”. Baba stopped after saying this.

I commented at this point, “Baba, though it is called ‘Sahaj Yoga’, that is, a simple practice, but in effect Ananda Marga is a very difficult path”. As I said this, Baba’s body vibrated somewhat and He immediately went into samadhi and we began to look after Him. When Baba came back to normal, He returned to His residence.

Thus for the first time the name ‘Ananda Marga’ was announced on 5 January 1955 in the evening.

He may have given this name before but the announcement came on that day. That day it was also declared that there would be a Dharma Maha Cakra on January 9 1955 and that day all the disciples would perform gurupuja in His presence.

On January 6 1955 I returned to Begusarai. In the afternoon a gentleman, who had been my subordinate earlier, came to take charge of my post. I was ready to hand over, but he considered that as inauspicious somehow. So he wanted to defer the matter.

He took over charge from me on 7 January.