Chapter 20

We Do Not Visit Kashmir

Yogananda
29 min read
Table of Contents
Yogananda
Yogananda
Father, I want to invite Master and four friends to accompany me to the Himalayan foothills during my summer vacation. May I have six train passes to Kashmir and enough money to cover our travel expenses?

As I had expected, Father laughed heartily.

Father
This is the third time you have given me the same cock-and-bull story. Didn’t you make a similar request last summer, and the year before that? At the last moment, Sri Yukteswarji refuses to go.
Father
Yogananda
Yogananda
It is true, Father; I don’t know why my guru will not give me his definite word about Kashmir. But if I tell him that I have already secured the passes from you, somehow I think that this time he will consent to make the journey.

Father was unconvinced at the moment, but the following day, after some good-humored gibes, he handed me six passes and a roll of ten-rupee bills.

Father
I hardly think your theoretical trip needs such practical props, but here they are.
Father

That afternoon I exhibited my booty to Sri Yukteswar. Though he smiled at my enthusiasm, his words were noncommittal:

Sri Yukteswar
I would like to go; we shall see.
Sri Yukteswar

He made no comment when I asked his little hermitage disciple, Kanai, to accompany us. I also invited three other friends — Rajendra Nath Mitra, Jotin Auddy, and one other boy. Our date of departure was set for the following Monday.

On Saturday and Sunday I stayed in Calcutta, where marriage rites for a cousin were being celebrated at my family home. I arrived in Serampore with my luggage early Monday morning. Rajendra met me at the hermitage door.

Rajendra
Master is out, walking. He has refused to go.
Rajendra

I was equally grieved and obdurate.

Yogananda
Yogananda
I will not give Father a third chance to ridicule my chimerical plans for Kashmir. Come; the rest of us will go anyhow.

Rajendra agreed; I left the ashram to find a servant. Kanai, I knew, would not take the trip without Master, and someone was needed to look after the luggage. I bethought myself of Behari, previously a servant in my family home, who was now employed by a Serampore schoolmaster. As I walked along briskly, I met my guru in front of the Christian church near Serampore Courthouse.

Sri Yukteswar
Where are you going?
Sri Yukteswar

Sri Yukteswar’s face was unsmiling.

Yogananda
Yogananda
Sir, I hear that you and Kanai will not take the trip we have been planning. I am seeking Behari. You will recall that last year he was so anxious to see Kashmir that he even offered to serve without pay.
Sri Yukteswar
I remember. Nevertheless, I don’t think Behari will be willing to go.
Sri Yukteswar
Yogananda
Yogananda
He is just eagerly waiting for this opportunity!

I was exasperated. My guru silently resumed his walk; I soon reached the schoolmaster’s house. Behari, in the courtyard, greeted me with a friendly warmth that abruptly vanished as soon as I mentioned Kashmir. With a murmured word of apology, the servant left me and entered his employer’s house. I waited half an hour, nervously assuring myself that Behari’s delay was being caused by preparations for his trip. Finally I knocked at the front door.

Man
Behari left by the back stairs about thirty minutes ago.
Man

A slight smile hovered about his lips. I departed sadly, wondering whether my invitation had been too coercive or whether Master’s unseen influence were at work. Passing the Christian church, again I saw my guru walking slowly toward me. Without waiting to hear my report, he exclaimed:

Sri Yukteswar
So Behari would not go! Now, what are your plans?
Sri Yukteswar

I felt like a recalcitrant child who is determined to defy his masterful father.

Yogananda
Yogananda
Sir, I am going to ask my uncle to lend me his servant, Lal Dhari.
Sri Yukteswar
See your uncle if you want to. But I hardly think you will enjoy the visit.
Sri Yukteswar

Apprehensive but rebellious, I left my guru and entered Serampore Courthouse. My paternal uncle, Sarada Ghosh, a government attorney, welcomed me affectionately.

Yogananda
Yogananda
I am leaving today with some friends for Kashmir. For years I have been looking forward to this Himalayan trip.
Uncle Sarada
I am happy for you, Mukunda. Is there anything I can do to make your journey more comfortable?
Uncle Sarada

These kind words gave me a lift of encouragement.

Yogananda
Yogananda
Dear uncle, could you possibly spare me your servant, Lal Dhari?

My simple request had the effect of an earthquake. Uncle jumped so violently that his chair overturned, the papers on the desk flew in every direction, and his pipe, a long, coconut-stemmed hubble-bubble, fell to the floor with a great clatter.

Uncle Sarada
You selfish young man, what a preposterous idea! Who will look after me, if you take my servant on one of your pleasure jaunts?
Uncle Sarada

He shouted, quivering with wrath. I concealed my surprise, reflecting that my amiable uncle’s sudden change of front was only one more enigma in a day fully devoted to incomprehensibility. My retreat from the courthouse office was more alacritous than dignified.

I returned to the hermitage, where my friends were expectantly gathered. Conviction was growing on me that some sufficient if exceedingly recondite motive was behind Master’s attitude. Remorse seized me that I had been trying to thwart my guru’s will.

Sri Yukteswar
Mukunda, wouldn’t you like to stay awhile longer with me? Rajendra and the others can go ahead now, and wait for you at Calcutta. There will be plenty of time to catch the last evening train leaving Calcutta for Kashmir.
Sri Yukteswar
Yogananda
Yogananda
Sir, I don’t care to go without you.

I said mournfully. My friends paid not the slightest attention to my remark. They summoned a hackney carriage and departed with all the luggage. Kanai and I sat quietly at our guru’s feet. After a half hour of complete silence, Master rose and walked toward the second-floor dining patio.

Sri Yukteswar
Kanai, please serve Mukunda’s food. His train leaves soon.
Sri Yukteswar

Getting up from my blanket seat, I staggered suddenly with nausea and a ghastly churning sensation in my stomach. The stabbing pain was so intense that I felt I had been abruptly hurled into some violent hell. Groping blindly toward my guru, I collapsed before him, attacked by all symptoms of the dread Asiatic cholera. Sri Yukteswar and Kanai carried me to the sitting room.

Racked with agony, I cried:

Yogananda
Yogananda
Master, I surrender my life to you!

For I believed it was indeed fast ebbing from the shores of my body. Sri Yukteswar put my head on his lap, stroking my forehead with angelic tenderness.

Sri Yukteswar
You see now what would have happened if you were at the station with your friends. I had to look after you in this strange way, because you chose to doubt my judgment about taking the trip at this particular time.
Sri Yukteswar

I understood at last. Inasmuch as great masters seldom see fit to display their powers openly, a casual observer of the day’s events would have imagined that their sequence was quite natural. My guru’s intervention had been too subtle to be suspected. He had worked his will through Behari and my Uncle Sarada and Rajendra and the others in such an inconspicuous manner that probably everyone but myself thought the situations had been logically normal.

As Sri Yukteswar never failed to observe his social obligations, he instructed Kanai to go for a specialist, and to notify my uncle.

Yogananda
Yogananda
Master, only you can heal me. I am too far gone for any doctor.
Sri Yukteswar
Child, you are protected by the Divine Mercy. Don’t worry about the doctor; he will not find you in this state. You are already healed.
Sri Yukteswar

With my guru’s words, the excruciating suffering left me. I sat up feebly. A doctor soon arrived and examined me carefully.

Doctor
You appear to have passed through the worst. I will take some specimens with me for laboratory tests.
Doctor

The following morning the physician arrived hurriedly. I was sitting up, in good spirits.

Doctor
Well, well, here you are, smiling and chatting as though you had had no close call with death. I hardly expected to find you alive, after I had discovered from the specimens that your disease was Asiatic cholera. You are fortunate, young man, to have a guru with divine healing powers! I am convinced of it!
Doctor

I agreed wholeheartedly. As the doctor was preparing to leave, Rajendra and Auddy appeared at the door. The resentment in their faces changed into sympathy as they glanced at the physician and then at my somewhat wan countenance.

Rajendra
We were angry when you didn’t turn up as agreed at the Calcutta train. You have been sick?
Rajendra
Yogananda
Yogananda
Yes.

I could not help laughing as my friends placed the luggage in the same corner it had occupied yesterday. I quoted:

Yogananda
Yogananda
There was a ship that went to Spain; when it arrived, it came back again!

Master entered the room. I permitted myself a convalescent’s liberty, and captured his hand lovingly.

Yogananda
Yogananda
Guruji, from my twelfth year on, I have made many unsuccessful attempts to reach the Himalayas. I am finally convinced that without your blessings the Goddess Parvati will not receive me!

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