I RESUME MY DUTY

It was the 12th month of my leave, yet there was no response to my appeal.

While in the village in the fourth week of December 1955 I decided that I would extend my leave no further and shall send my resignation. I decided this mentally and did not tell this to any member of my family. I thought that I should inform my family after my resignation was accepted.

My leave finished on 6 January 1956. I decided to resign thereafter. On the fourth day of taking this decision I received an inland letter. I could not guess who had sent it but when I opened it I found that it was from Baba. The letter was in English language. Today that letter is not with me but I remember fully its language. I shall try to reproduce it here. “Your decision of resignation is premature. You must join your duty urgently and I will give you everything. In case you fail to reconcile in joining to your present post, you take it as my order and must report for duty immediately.” I was surprised to note that Baba had written the letter the same day as I had mentally resolved that I would extend my leave no longer and will resign from service. th Now there was no other course open for me and when my leave was over on the 6 January 1956 I rejoined my duty. Great is the liila of omniscient Baba and wonderful are his methods of doing favour. Sitting in a village hundreds of miles away I mentally decide something and Baba reflects it then and there. This added one more link to the chain of my faith. Thus 1955 was over with the Grace of Baba Salutations to Baba who loves his devotees Following the instructions of Baba I rejoined my duty immediately on the expiry of my leave. However the whole of 1956 and 1957 up to August was a period of great turmoil for me. During this brief period of one year and eight months I was transferred to seven places. My wife was not keeping good health these days. I had to look after four children. I had to run after the doctors all the time. As there was no other convenient place, the family had to be kept with me. Those who have experience of government service and frequent transfers will be able to understand my plight very well. In spite of these troubles Baba’s grace was always with me. Whenever I had to go for however a small period, I got good name and reputation though Baba’s grace. Strange was that period, on the one hand the difficult problems of service, the rising and unassailable mountains of economic and psychological problems and on the other hand good name fame and reputation Great is the Liila of Baba. POSTED TO MUZZAFARPUR After resuming work in Patna on 7th January 1956, I was posted to Muzaffarpur.This was a posting to my liking. th I assumed my duties at Muzaffarpur on 17 January 1956. After I became somewhat free from official work I came to know that my childhood friends Acarya Vishwanathji was also there. I therefore went to see him. From him I came to know that Acarya Shri Kishanji and Shri Prem Bahadur Mathur were also there. I was also informed that the Dharma Cakra was held in the bungalow of Shri Prem Bahadurji. In the Dharma Cakra I got the opportunity to meet all the Margiis brothers. Here I came to know that on the New Years’ eve Baba’s vanii had come which was like this: “The long neglected humanity has awakened today. This awakening of theirs will usher in a new chapter in human history. You are the first messengers of that still to arrive tradition” Anandamurti 1.1.1956 I read and re-read this message and tried to understand its significance. The vanii appeared to me to be a fragment with great significance. In those days, the so- called civilized society looked down upon those who believed in the divinity of human beings and wanted to lead a spiritual life. Their indifference became intolerable to Baba and He indicated to His disciples through this blissful message that the divinity of humanity is now fully bestirred. This will certainly open a new chapter in the history of human progress and those who have tried to follow his path will certainly be regarded as the harbingers of that new Age. I this found great significance in the vanii of Baba. In such period I received a letter from my younger brother Radhakantji that the basis of his faith had completely been broke after hearing all about Ananda Marga philosophy and he had not yet got any new faith. He started feeling emptiness in his daily routine of life and wanted to take initiation as early as possible. He was these days posted at Siwan and there was no acarya either there or near about. I informed him through letter that he should come to Muzaffarpur, where arrangements will be made for his initiation. Muzaffarpur at that time was most fortunate through Baba’s grace. There were many acaryas here. On receipt of my letter he came to me at about eight in the night and wanted to return within the next two hours. He had little time and I could hardly manage to get into contact with an acarya in that short period. Therefore I had to give him initiation. This was the second occasion for me to initiate anyone. My first opportunity was to my mother. Now after office work I had only two functions. First to run about for doctors and second Marga work. Salutation to BABA the Lord of the Gods and the Supreme Divine PATNA DMC 1956 Thus while in Muzaffarpur, in the minds of Margii brothers, my own troubled personal life had an easy flow. Those days pracar was going strong throughout Bihar. Those in Patna were doing Marga work with great sincerity and speed. Many individuals came within the fold of the Marga. DMC was arranged in Patna and Baba was to arrive on the full-moon day of the month of Chaitra on Jamal Road in Patna. Everyone in the state of Bihar was informedabout the arrival time of Baba and the place and timing of the DMC. The Margiis of Muzaffarpur also received this information. All were happy and began to plan going to Patna. I was in two minds on account of my domestic troubles whether I should go or not. Meanwhile the acaryaji from Patna told me by telephone that I must attend. I was already desirous of going to Patna. The Instructions from this acarya strengthened my resolve and I surrendered all my domestic works at the lotus feet of Baba and started for Patna. There I had the good fortune of having Baba darshan and also had the good luck to do my sastaunga pranam at His feet. Baba enquired about my family with great affection and I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I was so much overwhelmed with emotion that time that I could not utter a word. Then I recalled that a big crowd of persons desirous of Baba’s darshan was waiting outside. Therefore unwillingly I began to control my desire to remain at His lotus feet and again did my sastaunga pranam and went out of the room. I later was again able to have the darshan of His Lotus Feet and began to enjoy the subtle vibrations of spiritual waves. The whole day was spent in these vibrations. In the evening, again I had the Baba’s darshan at the time of the DMC. Baba looked divine and superb during the DMC. He was irresistibly attractive, justifying those lines of the great poet, Tulsidas: “Do see, He is worth seeing”. I continued to lose myself in this divine sight. The subject of the discourse was “Bliss and Pleasure”. The subject was extremely good and easy to understand. The devotees were drinking His nectar-like words from their ears and drinking His divine beauty with their eyes at the same time. Blessed was that hour of the DMC. THE REJECTION OF MY SECOND APPEAL Doing these days my second appeal was rejected in April. I felt very sad to learn about this. I do not know why I did not feel such pain even when I was first demoted or when my first appeal was rejected. In this state of mind I wrote a letter to Baba, the substance of which was whether the samskaras were so strong that guru and God were both helpless before their power? If this is so, then that is why people forget the guru and God and begin to give more importance to karma and samskaras. Kindly do not allow so much importance to gain ground, otherwise humanity will repeat its mistakes again. Baba sent me a reply, which is highly educative, and encouraging and which redressed my mental torture. It was like this: “Samskaras cannot be stronger than Cosmic Consciousness. When unit consciousness start its march towards the Supreme Self – the Cosmic Consciousness, it advances through fight against avidya and bhoga of its prarabdha. Its march is the march of a solider undaunted and unbaffled. It gets the final rest when crowned with victory – the feeling of oneness with Him, earned by the heroic spirit both in the inner and outer, spheres of life “ Anandamurti 27.4.56After reading Baba’s letter I again became active and optimistic and became involved in my job and in my work of the Marga. A few days after the receipt of this letter, Baba’s Ananda Vanii for the Ananda Purnima of 1956 also came which said: “Every sadhaka (aspirant) is a soldier. The symbols of their progress are the hurts received from thorns by the march on the difficult path. Their victory is the collective welfare of the world.” Anandamurti Ananda Purnima 1956 It is not easy to grasp fully the significance of Revered Baba’s messages. Even so I give below what I understood of the above message. The life of a sadhaka like that of a soldier is really full of difficulties and pains. Sadhana is a process to rise above pains and pleasure. Therefore a good Sadhaka alone can be a good soldier. The soldier of a sadhaka advances smilingly on the most difficult terrain as he fights against all types of odds. Difficulties are only signposts of his success and are good indications of his progress. A good soldier is always thinking of the collective welfare and with this object in view, he advances further. Surely success will come to such a soldier. This message of Baba encouraged all the sadhakas immensely. Without courage neither a soldier nor a sadhaka can progress forward. By the middle of 1956, immorality was on the increase, hence this message of Baba’s not only encouraged sadhakas to lead a moral life, but also gave them strength to fight immorality. Baba’s message was timely. MY POSTING TO DALMIANAGAR But after a few days, such was Baba’s will, that my contacts with Margii brothers became less and less. I was transferred to Dalmianagar in the first week of June. There the problems were so constant that I was busy in tackling them. In this new place, my wife’s health deteriorated further, and now and then I had to rush to Patna with her. I had informed Baba about this through a letter. Even so, now and then I did manage to take some time for Marga work. But success in this work at this time was negligible. There were so many problems that I wrote to Baba that I was thinking to ask for a transfer and asked for His advice. There came a message from Him that I have to correct the whole situation from that place. I said I would not take any decisive step so long as the department does not fix a definite policy for Dalmianagar. It was under the jurisdiction of the Superintendent at Gaya. He was very simple Margii and was very scared of the atmosphere at Dalmianagar. Officers of my department regarded Dalmianagar as a black hole in those days, which would darken my reputation. Anyway, keeping Baba foremost in my thoughts, I started my work. Meanwhile, our department head thought of visiting the city on tour, and he gave me five minutes to discuss the situation of Dalmianagar at a meeting at eight in the morning. I reached the Circuit House of Gaya at the appointed time. At eight I presented myself before my head. I remembered Baba and began to talk about the administration at Dalmianagar. I had only mentioned a few things and my five minutes were over and therefore I stopped. When my boss enquired as to why I had stopped, I pointed out that my time was over. He asked me to resume. Again I remembered Baba. During this discussion, when some messenger entered from another officer, my boss felt very annoyed. There were others waiting for consultation, but he did not heed this. Even so, it was good of my boss that he started to agree withme. That day, five minutes extended into five hours. My discussion with this boss for such a long time was a mater of wonder. My departmental colleagues or even very senior officers used to get hardly ten minutes with him. All this was possible only through Baba’s grace. At the end of the discussion, my boss enquired about my personal well being. I told him that you have put me from frying pan into the fire and now are enquiring about my welfare. I was happy at Muzaffarpur and you transferred me within 6 months to Dalmianagar. He said that the chaos there forced me to put you to this inconvenience. Then he enquired as to how be could help me now? I said, “ Excuse me Sir, I do not rely on help from man. Man himself is miserable. What help can be one man render to another man?” As I said this be got up from his chair and embraced me and said, “ I wish I could have this much mental strength in me”. We were discussing matters in English I have therefore recorded his words as such. He told me that at one time, he had also been initiated into Ananda Marga but be could not do sadhana properly. I advised him to meet has acarya again After his return from Gaya, whenever my departmental head would see a report from some senior officer, he would ask what is the report on Nagina on this subject? And after seeing my views, he would reject others and agree with me. Now I was asked to attend a conference connected with Dalmianagar, on behalf of my department. Everyone was wondering as to what Nagina has done to him in these five hours that he would reject every ones’ views and accent mine. Just within a few months of our meeting, this gentlemen sought retirement. I was all along feeling that Baba was helping me at every step and where my intellect failed he gave me new ideas was it not the grace of Baba that I could continue discussion with this temperamental and snobbish man for five hours. My days continued to pass in this manner so I tried to solve the departmental problems there. Meanwhile my economic condition continued to deteriorate due to the illness of my wife. Now I had no other recourse except to inform Baba about my personal problems. Baba letter was received quickly. The letter was as follows: “Dear Nagina, The reason of your mental agonies and family trouble is that you are careless in money matters. You should therefore give more stress to aparigraha. Think a thousand times before you spend a single pie”. With my love to you Your well-wisher Anandamurti 24-8-56 I was very much worried to read Baba’s letter was true to the last syllable. But would it be possible for me to follow the spirit of these instructions? I was also helpless before my nature. But how was I to ignore it? Baba gave me the heart and mentality of a king and means of a beggar. Now how to bring balance between these two? Baba had correctly written that this was the cause of my painful career.Now I am in the evening of my life and when I look back I find that at every stage I have passed through great economic problems. It appears that the rest of my life will also he spent amidst economic problems by Baba’s grace. Why should it not be so? Baba has said in his message that “suffering is your asset’’. Although I remember Baba very much when I am in trouble, but when troubles came in succession, whether they are regarding material, mental or spiritual matters, they do drag the mind in crudeness. This makes one uncivilized, hard, pessimistic and angry. My prayer it that Baba may protect me from this crudity. In Mithilii the beautiful poetry of the poet Vidyapati is very popular and the following song of his is sung by all with great emotion when one is passing through dark days of life: “Kakhan haraba dukho mor he bholanath?” O Lord Shiva, when will you remove my sufferings? Now in the evening of my life I recite this song with every beat Of my heart before Baba Oh Lord take away the Crudity of my mind. I know none else except you. I surrender to you. Spiritualist may take pity on my condition! But those engrossed in the world will never understand my condition. Struggle is Sadhana. Therefore, though in poverty, I began to make efforts to somehow meet with my difficult situations. The only support was the blessings received from Baba in his letter. Whenever I felt disturbed I would reread the letters received from Baba. This would give me some cordage and I would again plunge into work. Thus, by the month of September all the problems of the new place were sorted out. Now, I was feeling restless there in the absence of the atmosphere of Marga. Therefore, one evening while alone began to pray to Baba that my work there was over and now let me be transferred to a place where I can get Margii atmosphere. I would be able to forget my worries amidst Margii brothers. POSTED BACK TO MUZAFFARPUR Baba heard my ardent prayer and I was surprised when the next day at 4 p.m. in the afternoon, my superior officer from Patna told me on the telephone that another officer was being posted at Dalmianagar, and he wanted to know whether I would like to be posted back to Muzaffarpur. He communicated my desire to my boss and within two days orders came for my transfer to Muzaffarpur: I reached Muzaffarpur in the first week of October. Great is the Lord, and great are His ways of giving Grace. First the web of problems would torture the mind and then his kindness would bring peace and tranquillity Great is my Baba that he gives the taste of the bitter and the sweet in such harmonious succession. Even after coming to Muzaffarpur, my family problems continued but I was in the midst of Margii brothers and atmosphere, therefore my mind continued to flow towards spirituality. Even so hard realities would sometime strike me harshly. In such astate of mind, I once thought that I should take this matter of my reversion to a court of law. My well-wishers in the department also had the same viewpoint. The problem was that those who were junior to me once, had become my bosses and it was hard to keep contact with them. It was to their credit that they respected me, even so I felt very much my own degradation. This was due to my human weakness. Now it appeared to me as if I had submitted to injustice and therefore I began to curse myself for it. When I consulted my well-wishers in the department I would think of challenging them in a court of law. But at this time that portion of my mind that was under the influence of vidya and was devoted to the lotus feet of Baba, felt determined as to why should I not consult Baba in this regard and then proceed further accordingly. I therefore, wrote a letter to Baba on this subject in the month of November and began to wait for his instructions. Soon came Baba’s reply like this: GURU STRICTLY PRIVATE Jamalpur 26.11.56 Nagina, Do not file any suit. Just obey the orders of your departmental authorities and acquire experience from the circumstances created thereby. This experience will be of immense value, more valuable then the post of superintendent. At that time you will realise that such a course was not at all an act of surrender before injustice – it is what may be correctly defined as to bow down for lighting the weapon. Anandamurti 26.11.56 After receiving this letter from Baba I tried that I should forget this sorrowful chapter of life altogether although it took lot of time to do so. I was always conscious that I may drive out the memory of this event from my memory and that is what happened after sometime through Baba’s Grace.