ASTHANAJI

During the rainy season in 1954, I had to go to Bhagalpur to attend a departmental conference. Many other officers of my own rank also attended.

When the meeting was over at about five, my boss, Asthanaji asked us to stay for tea. Amongst those present, one remarked that Nagina might not take tea as he is doing some special kind of meditation these days and there is a lot of change in his food habits. At these remarks, everyone started to look at me and began to ask questions about my sadhana. Everyone had an objection as to why should sadhana have anything to do with one’s food habits. Everyone was fond of eating and therefore my answers were not acceptable to them. Amongst my colleagues, there was one pandit who was an idol worshipper and given to karmakand (ritualistic worship). This panditji was a vegetarian, but he was extremely fond of food, particularly sweet dishes. He used to treat all his subordinates as his religious hosts and would relish with significant joy all kinds of rich sweet preparations at their expense. We used to think that he followed the principle that ‘food at others’ cost is a real rarity in this world and should be taken repeatedly and abundantly’. Sometimes even while taking his food, he would go the latrine to lighten himself. When the topic of sadhana was being discussed, he jumped into the discussion in the ancient posture of a religious debate and began to sing the praises of idol worship. I told him that I was not well versed in the scriptures, but as far as common sense prevailed I contradicted this theory by repeating arguments which I picked up from Baba’s conversations from time to time. As my approach was logical, all present agreed with it in their heart of hearts; but in order to incite the pandit to further discussion, they outwardly supported the pandit’s statements. Panditji was also garrulous mostly to please our boss, Shri Asthanaji. All realised this. Shri Asthanaji also recognised this fact and therefore he told me that I was defeated and thus he pumped up the pandit further. The pandit in his excitement began to criticize yoga sadhana. I therefore thought of silencing him. I said, ”Panditji, it is but natural that you do not like yoga sadhana as it would mean you being compelled to follow yama and niyama (the ten principles of morality)”. As the reply was sharp he kept quiet. However, our boss wanted to appease the pandit, therefore he said that he agreed with panditji that one must eat, drink and be merry in this world and also remember God from time to time. He said that he disapproved of total dedication to God. Almost unwillingly I said, “Sir, after hearing our talk you are thinking in your mind to seek an opportunity to ask me to take you to the person where I learnt my sadhana, but just outwardly you are supporting the pandit’s statement”. Everyone laughed heartily at this remark of mine. All were about to leave now and I also left after this remark. The next day everyone had to come back to the office. I spent the night with Shri Chandranathji who was responsible for taking me to Baba for initiation. The train next morning was to leave very early and I missed it. Afterbreakfast, I rang up Shjri Asthanaji and informed him about my missing the train and the consequent inability to reach my office. I requested him either to sanction me a day’s leave or to give me some office work for the day, so that I may utilize my time. He told me that it was very good that I could not go as he had some work with me, and asked me to come to the office. I reached Asthanaji’s office at about nine and found that he was waiting for me. After the exchange of greetings, he asked me to be seated and enquired as to how yesterday I could know what was in his mind. I could not catch the point and asked him as to what he was the referring. He then told me that he began to take interest in my arguments when I was discussing with panditji and in actual fact he wanted to ask me where to learn yoga sadhana. I told him that I was no mind reader and I only said spontaneously what came to my mind about him. That day he repeated again and again that he was quite keen to learn yoga sadhana and he was ready to do everything for this. I told him that I was unable to commit anything without Baba’s prior permission. He was ready for this. Jamalpur was on my route to my office and therefore, I finished my office work in the afternoon and came by the evening train to Jamalpur. In the evening I went to Baba’s residence for darshan. After Baba’s darshan I accompanied Him on His walk. On the way I put in my request regarding giving initiation to my boss. Baba said, “His time has not yet arrived”. I kept quiet and informed my boss about it. After some days I again met this officer and he again insisted for diiksa. I told him that when I meet Baba next I shall put in another request on his behalf for initiation. I got an opportunity to meet Baba after some days. Baba smiled and asked, “Are you insisting again and again because he is your boss?” I replied, “it is not so. Whenever he meets me like one desirous of knowledge he insists on my requesting You that he may get permission. If I do not convey his feelings to You, my mind feels guilty. Hence, whenever he insists, I convey the same to You”. Again when I met my boss he persisted in his request. This time it came to his mind that perhaps I was not putting his request forcefully before Baba. I guessed his feelings, but thought it best to keep quiet. Thereafter when I got an opportunity to meet Baba, I told Baba for his entertainment, “Baba, I am feeling like Trishanku. When I go to my worldly boss, he sends me here with his request and You escape by saying that his time has not yet come. Thus, I am being sandwiched between the worldly and the spiritual boss”. Baba laughed heartily at this and said, “Are you keen that he should be initiated as he is your boss?” I said, “No Baba, his behaviour towards me is like that of relation.” When I was about to leave, I asked again, “Baba, what reply should I give him?” Baba was extremely kind and smilingly said, “Give him my postal address and let him find me out.” I felt gratified and paid my respects. As per Baba’s instructions I informed my boss by letter about Baba’s address.Some days after receiving my letter, Asthanaji came to Monghyr and called me there for some work. Towards evening the work was finished, but I could not return and there was no steamer service during the night. Seeing an opportunity, I came to Jamalpur for Baba’s darshan. Next morning again there was a call from that office and when I presented myself before him, he seemed ready to go out. When I asked, he told me that he was going to Baba for initiation. He asked me also to accompany him. I refused and said, “It would not be proper on my part as Baba had instructed me just to give His postal address to you and you should find out his residence yourself. For me to do anything beyond this would be a violation of His instructions, which I am not prepared to do at any price. Baba is all knowing and all pervading. Whatever we do is in full knowledge of Baba.” I therefore, requested Asthanaji not to make me violate His instructions in anyway. At this, Asthanaji told me that he would drive the car himself. There would be neither the driver nor the orderly with him. As there are so many cross roads in Monghyr with which he was not familiar, he therefore wanted me to guide his way only until he reached a point outside Monghyr and on the road to Jamalpur, then he would reach the place himself. I agreed to do this much. He then took the driving seat in his car and I sat beside him. I brought him on the road to Jamalpur, through the crossings and requested him to stop so that I could return. He pointed out that no rickshaw was available there and therefore, how would I walk all the way back. He therefore, suggested that I should go a little further with him until I get a vehicle to return. I was guessing his intent and told him that, “You want me to go with you up to Jamalpur; alright, but I will not assist you in anyway to Baba’s residence. I am turning deaf and dumb for you right from now onwards”. I said this and then sat in the car with my face to the back. My boss laughed at this. When the car reached a crossing near Jamalpur railway station, he looked at me, but I turned my face away. After some time, he stopped, asked a gentleman who was walking on the road about the way to Kashavpur and then moved ahead in his car in that direction. I was looking just opposite to the direction in which Baba’s residence was situated, so that he may not see the expressions on my face and guess the location of Baba’s residence. As the car reached some twenty five to thirty yards ahead of Baba’s residence, he suddenly stopped the car and told himself in my hearing that it appeared that Baba’s residence was somewhere near and we had gone a little ahead. So saying, he got down from the car and asking neighbours, reached Baba’s residence. When, he returned to the car, he told me that the gate of Baba’s residence was open and he found Baba seated on a chair. He was very happy after the initiation and when he said that Nagina was in the car, Baba said, “He knows my time and he will come only at that time.” All the way he continued to ask so many things about Baba. On returning to Monghyr, I got busy in government work and in the evening reached Baba’s residence for His darshan. I had His darshan, had an opportunity to do my pranam and then accompanied Him on His walk.When Baba sat down on the grave in the field, I asked him, “Baba, about the gentleman who got initiation this morning, when he was coming to You, he told me that Baba’s residence was near about when he reached a little ahead of Your house. He then came to your house by enquiring about it from the neighbours. How did it come into his mind that Your house was near about and he had gone somewhat ahead?” Baba replied, “When I saw that you were sitting at his side looking in the opposite direction as if you had nothing to do with him, I motivated him to stop the car and come to me.” Great is Baba’s Grace! ASTHANAJI RECEIVES BABA’S GRACE Some two months later, Asthanaji came to Monghyr again and next day called me from Begusarai. When I reached the place of his stay I discovered that he had come along with his entire family but he had not come out of his room since morning. I thought he might be busy with some personal or confidential work, but when I sent word of my arrival, he called me to his room. I was most astounded to see what was happening there. Asthanaji was lying on his bed and tears were flowing incessantly from his eyes. When I enquired about this, he started weeping still more bitterly and asked me to sit down by his side. His wife was also there. She told me that since the morning after his bath he had been like that. He had not even combed his hair after taking bath. And when I looked at him, I found that his hair was dishevelled. His wife appeared worried and he had forbidden anyone from outside be told about his condition. Now, he asked his wife also to go out of the room for some time. When she had left and we were alone, he told me his story. He said that after taking his bath he had come out of the bathroom and approached the dressing table to do his hair. He stood in front of the mirror, which was big enough to reflect his whole body, and saw that Baba was standing in the mirror. He was standing in front of the mirror, and normally the mirror should have reflected his own image, but instead, he saw Baba there and was extremely surprised at it. He could not rely on his own eyes, and several times rubbed his eyes to see clearly, but he found that Baba was still standing in the mirror. At this, he felt such a pleasant sensation that he lost the consciousness of his body and began to shed tears of joy incessantly. Hearing him and looking at him, I myself began to feel a sensation of ecstasy and began to wonder at the infinite liila of Baba. How compassionate He is to His devotees. Wherever His devotees may be, Baba is always with them. When Asthanaji took time to come out of the dressing room, his wife came in, and when she saw his condition she was amazed. She questioned him, but got no reply. She therefore became worried. I enquired whether he was feeling any strain due to the constant weeping. He informed me that along with the flow of tears he was feeling a sweet sensation in his heart and was thus enjoying bliss. But his difficulty was how to show himself to people outside in this condition. Saying this, he again began to weep profusely and his wife came into the room when she heard his weeping. I told her not to worry at all and only advised her to remain indoors to avoid any embarrassment. To Asthanaji I said, “In the evening when I go for Baba’s darshan I shall inform Him about you”. He objected to this and said, “Please do not tell to Baba about it; lest my bliss will end”. He asked me to stay with him, and so that day I could not go for Baba’s darshan in the evening.I had to stay on in Monghyr and next day again presented myself at Asthanaji’s place at about seven in the morning. When I met him I found that he was still not in a normal state. I told him that it would be better if he accompanied me to Begusarai and stayed there for a couple of days and returned here after he became normal. He agreed with my suggestion, and it was decided that his family would go with me to Begusarai. In the afternoon, we took a boat at such a time that we reached Begusarai by evening in view of his condition. He stayed there for three days and when he had become absolutely normal he returned to Bhagalpur. I finish this story of Baba’s liila here and after saluting Him humbly pray that He may grant such ecstasy to every one of his devotees.