Table of Contents
Monday, February 21, 1887
Narendra, Rakhal, Niranjan, Sarat, Śaśi, Kāli, Baburam, Tārak, and Sarada Prasanna were living in the monastery.
All day the members had been fasting in observance of the Sivaratri. Sarat, Kāli, Niranjan, and Sarada were planning to go to Puri, the following Saturday, on a pilgrimage to the sacred Jagannath. Jogin and Lātu were at Vrindāvan and had not yet seen the new place.
Narendra had gone to Calcutta that morning to look after a lawsuit in which his family had been involved since the death of his father. At 9am, M. arrived at the Math.
Tārak saw him and began to sing in praise of Śiva, Rakhal joining him: There Śiva dances, striking both His cheeks; and they resound, Ba-ba-bom!
Dimi-dimi-dimi! sounds His drum; a garland of skulls from His neck is hanging!
In His matted locks the Ganges hisses; fire shoots from His mighty trident!
Round His waist a serpent glitters, and on His brow the moon Is shining!
Rakhal and Tārak danced as they sang. Narendra had recently composed the song.
Śaśi finished the morning worship in the shrine. Sarat then sang about Śiva to the accompaniment of the Tānpura.
Narendra had just arrived from Calcutta. He had not yet taken his bath.
Renunciation of “woman and gold”
Narendra was smoking and talking to M. and the others.
Nothing can be achieved in spiritual life without the renunciation of ‘woman and gold’. ‘Woman’ is the doorway to hell. All people are under the control of women.
The cases of Śiva and Krishna are quite different. Śiva turned His Consort into His servant.
Sri Krishna led a house-holder’s life. But how unattached He was! How quickly He renounced Vrindāvan and the gopis!
Narendra took his bath in the Ganges and returned to the monastery. He carried his wet cloth and towel in his hand.
Sarada prostrated himself before Narendra. He too had been fasting on account of the Sivaratri.
He was going to the Ganges for his bath. Narendra entered the worship room and prostrated himself before the picture of Sri Ramakrishna, who was daily worshipped there as the Deity. For a few minutes he was absorbed in meditation.
The devotees assembled in a room and began to converse. The talk turned to Bhavanāth.
Śiva festival at the Math
It was afternoon. Arrangements were being made to worship Śiva in the evening. Leaves of the bel-tree were gathered for the worship. Bel-wood was chopped for the homa.
In the evening Śaśi, who was in charge of the worship at the monastery, burnt incense before the pictures of the various gods and goddesses.
The worship of Śiva was to take place under the bel-tree in the monastery compound. The Deity was to be worshipped four times, during the four watches of the night. The brothers assembled under the bel-tree. Bhupati and M. were present also. One of the young members of the Math was in charge of the worship. Kāli was reading from the Gitā. Now and then he argued with Narendra.
M. (to himself): “The Master used to say: ‘As long as a man feels that it is he who meditates, he is under the jurisdiction of the Ādyāśakti. Śakti must be acknowledged.’”
After completing the recital of the Gitā, Kāli chanted, “Śāntih! Śāntih! Śāntih!”
Narendra and the other devotees stood up and circled round and round the tree, singing and dancing. Now and then they chanted in chorus: “Śiva Guru! Śiva Guru!”
It was midnight, the fourteenth day of the dark fortnight of the moon. Pitch darkness filled all the quarters. Men, birds, and animals were all hushed into silence. The young sannyāsis were clad in Gerruā robes. The words “Śiva Guru”, chanted in their full-throated voices, rose into the infinite sky like the rumblings of rain-clouds and disappeared in the Indivisible Satchidananda.
The worship was over. The sun, about to rise, was painting the eastern horizon crimson.
In this sacred twilight, the conjunction of night and day, the holy Brahmamuhurta, the young worshippers finished their baths in the Ganges.
It was morning. The devotees went to the shrine room, prostrated themselves before the Deity, and gradually assembled in the big hall. Narendra was clad in a new ochre cloth. The bright orange colour of his apparel blended with the celestial lustre of his face and body, every pore of which radiated a divine light. His countenance was filled with fiery brilliance and yet touched with the tenderness of love. He appeared to all as a bubble that had risen up in the Ocean of Absolute Existence and Bliss and assumed a human body to help in the propagation of his Master’s message. All eyes were fixed on him.
Narendra was then just 24 years old, the very age at which the great Chaitanya had renounced the world.
Balarām had sent fruit and sweets to the monastery for the devotees’ breakfast. Rakhal, Narendra, and a few others partook of the refreshments. After eating one or two morsels some of them cried out, “Blessed indeed is Balarām!” All laughed.
Narendra now began to joke like a child. He was imitating Sri Ramakrishna. He put a sweet into his mouth and stood still, as if in samādhi. His eyes remained unwinking. A devotee stepped forward and pretended to hold him up by the hand lest he should drop to the ground.
Narendra closed his eyes. A few minutes later, with the sweetmeat still in his mouth, he opened his eyes and drawled out, “I–am–all–right.” All laughed loudly. Refreshments were now given to everyone. M. looked on at this wonderful mart of happiness.
The devotees shouted joyfully, “Jai Guru Mahārāj”!
Monday, March 25, 1887
M. arrived at the Baranagore Math with Devendra to visit his brother disciples and spend the night in the monastery. The previous week he had spent three days at the Math. He was very eager to observe the spirit of intense renunciation of these young men.
Śaśi lit the lamp in the worship room and chanted the name of God. Next he burnt incense before all the pictures of gods and goddesses in the various rooms. The evening service began.
Śaśi conducted the worship. The members of the Math, with M. and Devendra, stood with folded hands and sang the hymn of the Ārati.
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