The Art of Negotiation and Basic Wishes
Stop. If there is a way to peacefully resolve…
There are 2 parts to this answer.
It is not possible to convince anyone of anything.
You can only help them to convince themselves
You cannot convince anyone, but you can help them to convince themselves.
This is how you help people to convince themselves. You must look for what is best for all concerned. You must explore and discover with them what is their basic wish. What is the basic wish that they want to be fulfilled? Now, basic wishes will always be basic, very simple.
For example, let us say you ask someone, “Well, what do you wish for?” and they say, “I wish for a very powerful, fast car.” You can understand right away that is not a basic wish. But what is it that having the car will allow you to feel? “Having the car will allow me to feel free.” So what you are saying is your basic wish is that you want to feel free. That is the basic wish. And then you can understand that there actually may be many different ways to fulfill the basic wish. The car may not necessarily have to be given to them; there may be another way that they can be allowed to feel free.
Negotiation is never about the things that people ask for; it’s about why they’re asking for them with regard to a fundamental, basic wish that they want fulfilled. And almost every single basic wish comes down to just about the same thing: I want to feel love. I want to feel respected. I want to feel powerful. I want to feel like I belong, that I count for something.
I want to feel that I am empowered to have the freedom to choose who I want to be. When you know that these are the real fundamental basic wishes they want fulfilled, then the things that they are asking for can actually be very different, and they can change. Once you know that you can fulfill the basic wish, you can probably fulfill the basic wish with any number of things in any number of ways. It’s not the things that are important in the negotiation; it’s why they’re being asked for.
Win-Win and the Cosmic Secret of Abundance
The most important thing to remember in any negotiation is this: everything is one thing.
Therefore, it must be win-win. If they don’t win, you don’t win. If you don’t win, they don’t win.
If someone loses in a negotiation, if they are made to feel that they have lost, you all lose, because they are just another aspect, another part of you.
You are just another aspect and another part of them. So if you find creative ways, clever ways, imaginative ways to support each other and to fulfill each other’s fundamental basic wish, then everybody wins and you support the whole, which can then support everybody.
Here is the cosmic secret: there is enough for everyone.
There is no lack of anything. Most negotiations that occur between many people on your planet bring with them the energy that people think that there’s not enough of this, I have to get this, there is only enough for me, they can’t have it. When you know there is enough for everyone, when you know there is no lack of anything, then negotiation is a matter of working together to support each other in creating a new idea. Everyone’s basic wish can be fulfilled in the negotiation. Everyone can win.
The Concept of a Soulmate
Asker: I would like to meet a soulmate. I enjoyed a book called How to Meet Your Soulmate and in that book it said… I know what it said, you don’t have to tell me. My question is: would I be able to meet my soulmate in this lifetime?
Bashar: No. Do you believe me?
Asker: No. Because it doesn’t feel like I won’t be able to meet this person from now on.
You are saying that you trust your feelings?
Asker: Yes, no, I don’t know.
Bashar: Well, one moment, let’s back up. Let’s start over. You asked me, “Will I meet my soulmate in this life?” I said, “No.”
Then I asked if you believed me and you said, “No, I don’t believe you.” And I said, “Why not?” And you said, “Because I feel like I will meet my soulmate.” So doesn’t that mean you are trusting your feelings more or less?
Asker: Yes, more or less.
Bashar: Well, which is it? More or less? I would like to believe.
Bashar: Oh, you would like to believe. Why? What does it mean if you believe that you will meet your soulmate in this life? Now don’t answer yet. I’m going to give you something to think about. While you’re thinking about it, can you think about two things at the same time? Will that be all right?
Asker: I’ll do that, please.
Bashar: Soulmate is anyone you are interacting with.
Soulmate is anyone you are interacting with at any given moment, because right at that moment that you are interacting with them, they are the most important person in your life. But I understand what you mean by the other definition of soulmate. But what I am telling you now is this: it is easier to attract the kind of soulmate you are talking about when you do not focus so much on needing that kind of soulmate, and recognize everyone as a soulmate. When you recognize every person in your life at that moment is the most important person and therefore your soulmate at that moment, then you are validating and acknowledging that your life is already working just perfectly because it’s bringing you everyone that needs to be brought to you automatically without you having to try to find them.
When you understand that your life is already working perfectly by bringing you everyone you need, you can trust that it will continue to bring you everyone you need. And if that soulmate you’re talking about needs to be in your life, then that soulmate will be in your life at some point automatically, just like everyone else, because your life already works. You do not have to search for your soulmate. “Soulmate, soulmate, where are you?” Because if you know your life works automatically, then you know everything will come to you as it needs to in the best way for you.
But pay attention to this: if you are afraid, if you are in fear that you will never find your soulmate, then the fear is not allowing you to be your true natural self. And if you are not being your true natural self, how is your soulmate going to recognize you? You understand what I mean? So if you relax and just be yourself and trust that your life is working, then you will be your true self, and everyone that resonates, that vibrates to your true self, will automatically come into your life exactly perfectly when they need to. And you don’t have to wonder when they’re going to get there because you’re too busy interacting with who’s with you now.
Right now, I am your soulmate because you’re interacting with me.
You are my soulmate because you are interacting with me.
We are soulmates right now. Right now we are one soul. We are different aspects of one soul reflecting to each other right now by being in this relationship. We are in love.
The next person that comes into your life, the next person that you talk to, will be your soulmate, and you will be in love with them. And the person after that, and the person after that, and the person after that.
The one who will then find that it is appropriate to express that relationship to you romantically will come along when they need to. But you don’t need to focus on it.
As we already said, if you insist that it must happen a certain way at a certain time, then you’re not trusting your life, which means you’re not being your true self, and it means you’re actually keeping that kind of a soulmate interaction away from you.
First you must be in love with yourself.
When you are in love with yourself and allow yourself then to be your true self, everyone that needs to be in your life will be in your life exactly perfectly when they need to be.
The timing is already perfect. Trust it.
Treat everyone that you interact with as your soulmate, and before you know it you’ll find that you will be in a relationship with that particular kind of soulmate you’re asking for.
But the longer you exclude everyone else and insist only on that one person, the longer it will take for that person to find you.
If you know they will show up in perfect timing, then you don’t have to wonder what time it is and where are they.
Vocation, Excitement, and the “House on the Hill”
Asker: I read a book about Bashar and I was very moved by that. I was surprised because the image that I got from the book and what I’m feeling now through Darryl’s body is a little bit different.
Bashar: Yes, of course there will always be some difference in interpretation. What you are experiencing is a translation of my thoughts into the energy of the channel in front of you because I must work with the energy that already exists on your planet.
Asker: My question is what is my vocation? God-given job. Because there is the boss that I do not like in my workplace right now, so I do not like my workplace and I want to quit.
Bashar: What would you rather be doing? What would you be more excited to do if you could? What would be the most exciting thing you can imagine doing if you could choose to do anything? Do you know? For example, volunteer work?
Asker: Is that the most exciting thing? Knowing, feeling that I am helping somebody.
Bashar: Is that the most exciting thing that you can think of right now?
Asker: Yes.
Asker: You have some other questions about this? Then how can I get my income?
Bashar: I don’t know. What makes you think you need income? Are you going to say, “Oh, because I have to eat and because I have to live in a house,” and so forth? Is that what you are going to say?
Asker: Yes, I have debt so I need to return money, pay back.
Bashar: I see. What if someone let you live in a house for free? Then would you need to pay for a house? What if someone gave you your food for free or in trade? Then would you need money to buy food? What if your discount, someone paid your debts for you, or the person to whom you owed money said, “Well, you don’t owe me the money anymore, that’s all right”? Then would you need that money?
Asker: Yes, no. Would you need the money if those things happen?
Bashar: No, I won’t need the money. Do you believe those kinds of things can happen? Or do you find it difficult to believe that those kinds of things can happen? Be honest.
Asker: It’s very difficult for me to believe that.
Bashar: Thank you for your honesty. Then until you can believe that such things can happen, you’d better keep your job. When you believe that such things can happen, then you will be able to quit. Because when you believe that such things can happen, such things will happen. But as long as you do not believe that such things can happen, such things will not happen.
Here is what I am actually saying to you: whatever it is that excites you the most is representative of your true self.
If it is true that doing volunteer work is the most exciting thing that you can think of, then that is representative of your true self at this moment.
That which is more exciting than the most exciting thing is more representative of your true self, and that is the direction in which you need to go.
But for now let us use the example that you have given because this will work for anything.
Once you decide whatever it is that is the most exciting thing, when you understand that the thing that excites you the most to do is representative of your true self, then you must also understand something else very important. And that is this: the thing that excites you the most, because it is representative of your true self, will always bring with it the things you need to allow you to continue to do that thing.
Because every idea is a complete idea. A complete tool kit that contains all the things you will need to be able to continue to do that thing.
If an idea did not contain all the necessary tools to attract to you what you need to be able to keep doing it, it would be an incomplete creation. And there are no incomplete creations.
You may not be able to know exactly how you will be supported, but you can trust and know for certain that if you move into the volunteer work because it is most exciting, then you will be supported somehow. If you are willing to be the natural piece of the puzzle by being your true self and then fit into the whole picture, the whole picture will somehow support you, even if you don’t know and can’t imagine how it could be possible.
Here is an example that actually happened on your planet. We want to choose an example that actually happened to people on your planet so that you understand we are not just making this up. We have used this example before and some of you may recognize it, but it is a good example especially in your case. There was an individual who saw this beautiful house on top of a hill and it was a very beautiful place. And he was very excited to live in that house someday. But the house was very expensive. So even though it was very exciting to think about living in the house, the individual was very sad because he did not have enough money to buy the house. And so the individual said, “Well, maybe I will go and get a job and I will work hard and then I will make enough money. Oh, I don’t know, maybe in 10 years and maybe then I will be able to buy the house.” But it’s not really a job that excites me and I will be very unhappy while I am making all this money.
And so the individual goes on his way to a job interview. And on the way to the job interview, the individual runs into a friend sitting in a coffee shop.
And the friend says, “Oh, please come and join me for some coffee.” And the person going to the job says, “Oh, well, what are you doing here?”
And the person sitting at the table says, “Oh, I’m waiting for another friend.”
And the first person says, “Well, I would love to sit and have coffee. I’m very excited about that—more excited than going to get this job. But I have to go get this job because I have to make enough money to go and buy this house.”
But then they said, “Well, maybe I’ll sit down just for a minute, but then I have to hurry up and go get the job.”
And while they are sitting there chatting with their friend, then the other person’s friend comes along, sits down, and the first person says, “Oh, well, nice to meet you, but I have to be leaving now.”
And the new person says, “Oh, leaving so soon? Why are you in such a hurry?”
And the person explains, “Oh, well, I have to go and get this job that I’m going to hate in order to make lots of money to buy this beautiful house I saw.”
And the new person says, “Oh, well, that doesn’t sound very exciting. Which house is it that you’re talking about?”
And the person says, “Oh, there’s this house up on that hill. It’s such a beautiful house.”
And the new person says, “That house? That’s my house. You want to live in that house?”
“Oh, yes, you have such a beautiful house. I would love to live in that house.”
And the new person says, “What a coincidence. I am leaving the country for 3 years and I was going to ask my friend if they knew of someone who would stay in that house and take care of it for me for free.”
“You mean I can live in your house for free and I don’t need to go and get the job? I can live in the house for free? How very exciting.”
And now I can see that by following my excitement and staying here, I ran into you and everything worked out perfectly to allow me to experience my greater excitement, whereas if I had gone to the job I would have missed you.
We understand that to many people on your planet such stories sound like fairy tales. But that is how reality works. When you follow your excitement, you get to see symbols reflected synchronistically to you in life that show you that life already works if you will be but willing to believe and act as your true self. But if you cannot believe that life is magic, don’t quit your job. When you do believe life is magic, really believe it, then go ahead, you can do whatever you want. But be certain that you really believe it and you’re not just playing games with yourself. You must truly allow yourself to understand that life really does work that way.
You must truly trust it. I can absolutely guarantee to all of you that life does work that way. But it doesn’t matter whether I guarantee it or not; only you can guarantee it for yourself.
Following Excitement in Daily Life and Work
Bashar: We interact with many of you on many different levels of consciousness, many different times. Our people and all of your planet’s people are engaged in a very, very deep relationship. So yes, from time to time some of you may recognize that. Also some of the familiarity is that you are recognizing yourselves, for many of us are your future selves. Now I understand that I said that there is no future, there is no time, but I am simply using the word for convenience sake. And so what is your question?
Asker: It’s not a very personal question.
Bashar: That does not matter.
Asker: About 10 years ago I encountered Bashar and from Bashar I received this wonderful message saying that what excites you is the most important thing. And this is something that neither my parents nor my teachers have taught me before. So this is a wonderful message that I received from Bashar. And I’ve been searching for the thing that excites me the most.
Bashar: What excites you the most? You do not have to search. Remember that when we say “do the thing that excites you the most,” we simply mean at any given moment. Did you come to this interaction today because this was the most exciting thing you could do today? Yes or no?
Asker: Of course it’s yes.
Bashar: Then what will be the most exciting thing you can do after this interaction is over today? That is all you have to ask yourself.
That is all you have to answer. You do not have to mean “what excites me the most” as a job or a career or a long-term project. If the thing that excites you the most is a job or a career or a long-term project, that’s fine, but it doesn’t have to be.
The most important way to understand following your excitement is to follow your excitement at every moment. Choose the most exciting thing you are capable of acting on at that moment and act on it with integrity. Then that will lead to the next most exciting choice, and that will lead to the next most exciting choice, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next. And then even if it never turns into a career or comes in the form of a job, you will still be living your excitement every moment and your whole life will be a series of exciting moments. Does that make more sense to you? Does that answer your question sufficiently?
Bashar: Well, yes you have. Because when you said “I am searching for it,” that is a question because you are questioning what to do.
It was a question in your mind and your heart and we are explaining how you can understand the answer very clearly. So is there something else you wish to ask?
Asker: I did end up searching for it.
Bashar: You can stop searching now. You can just act now and not search. You can act every moment. Does that make sense? All right.
Asker: I realized that what excites me the most is to be involved with developing countries. All right. So as a result I’m working for international energy non-government organizations.
Bashar: All right. Is this exciting?
Asker: At first it was very exciting and now I spend most of my time at my desk doing paperwork.
Bashar: Are you saying that this is not exciting?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: Well then this is where you need to start using your imagination. You say you want to work with developing nations? Well, let’s first develop the imagination.
The idea is for you to figure out not only what excites you the most, but for you to also imagine the way in which it would be most exciting to do it. It’s the same thing. You cannot do what excites you the most in an unexciting way.
You must be open to the possibility that your imagination can lead you or attract to you an idea of how to do this in a way that is also exciting, as well as the thing itself being exciting.
The reason that this happened the way it did is because you had in your mind a separation between the thing and the way the thing is done. You must make it one idea: that the exciting thing also brings with it a way to do it that’s exciting and a place to do it that’s exciting. It must all be exciting. Otherwise, it’s not the thing that you’re really excited about.
Yet you do not have to allow yourself to believe that there’s only one way to do this exciting thing. Trust your imagination and explore many other ways in which you could be doing this thing that would also be more exciting ways of doing it.
There is also another side to this issue. You must make sure that you are able to tell the difference between something that you’re doing that is really not exciting, as opposed to you are just maybe making it not exciting because of your expectations about it.
In other words, maybe you have a belief that just automatically says “paperwork is not exciting.” But maybe paperwork could be exciting. So first explore in your imagination to see if there is a way to allow the paperwork that you are doing to be done in a more exciting way.
Then after you have explored all possibilities to see if that could be so, and if you decide then, “Well, it’s true, the paperwork is not my excitement,” then you can know there will be another way that you can do this. Maybe you will even have to create a whole new way that that job can be done so that it will be exciting for you.
But if you are open to your imagination showing you the way, then all you have to do is at any given moment just act on the thing you can do that’s most exciting. And that excitement will lead you into circumstances that will show you what other way perhaps you could be doing it that’s more exciting.
Excitement at each moment feeds long-term excitement. Long-term excitement feeds excitement at each moment. They help each other become more and more and more and more exciting. You understand?
So start inventing more exciting ways in your mind and your imagination to do this job in a more exciting way. You may have to invent something completely new, but that’s all right. If that completely new thing is representative of your highest excitement, then you must trust that that is what will take you where you need to go.
Thank you very much. And you may all now enjoy your short break. We will resume this transmission after your break.
Overcoming Fear & The “Worst Possible Thing” Exercise
Asker: When I make a choice sometimes fear comes up. What can I do so that I can trust?
Bashar: You are always trusting in something, even if it is that you are trusting in your fear.
The first thing to understand is that fear does not mean that you lack trust. It just means that you’re putting your trust in a belief about something that is not aligned with your true self.
Sometimes when you define things in a new way you can allow yourself to understand how to change them more easily because you can see more transparently what the mechanism is that you are using.
So if you find that you are experiencing fear, you can explore this in a number of ways. You must allow yourself to discover what the belief is that would allow you to experience fear with regard to the choice that you are making. You can ask yourself what you believe will happen that would be negative if you make this choice.
When you find out what it is you believe will happen, you can begin to understand that it doesn’t mean that it has to happen. It’s just a belief that you have that it might happen. But beliefs are really nothing more than definitions that you have been taught. And if you find out what the definition is that you have, then you can allow yourself to change the definition into something that you would prefer it to be.
So do you have a specific fear about something that you can share with us so that we can use a specific example of your life?
Asker: Although I’m not sure what it is that I want to do, but I am thinking about quitting the company, my job.
Bashar: What is your fear?
Asker: To do what I like to do.
Bashar: But as the other person said just now, yes, but you must also, as we told them, be sure that you are willing to act on your excitement fully. Otherwise it would be wiser to keep your job until you believe you can act fully on your excitement. If you quit your job but then don’t do anything to fill the space that you have created, it will be a difficult situation for you. So if you are willing, if you quit your job to truly act at every moment on what really excites you in the fullest possible way, then that can guide you. But let us find out what your specific fears are about this choice you wish to make. Share them if you will.
Asker: Make a living.
Bashar: All right. Now you heard us talk to the other person about this. Did you understand what we told them? How if they follow their excitement in a true fashion that their reality will support them somehow? Did you understand that concept?
Asker: In my head, yes.
Bashar: Oh, another head-heart person. What is it that stops you from believing that you will be supported? Why does your heart not believe that your excitement will attract what you need to support you? Why is that difficult to believe? What definition do you have that says that that is not something that will happen? Can you figure out what some of your definitions are? In other words, for example, you may have a definition that says people that quit their jobs will always have a hard time finding something else. Or maybe you have a belief or a definition that says “I do not deserve to do the thing that I would really love to do.” Or maybe you have some other belief or definition. Can you tell us what one might be?
Asker: I’m not really clearly aware of that myself.
Bashar: All right, well let’s explore a little deeper. Let us pretend that you have now quit your job. When you are not clear about your definitions, there is a technique that can help put you in touch with what the beliefs are. It involves using your imagination and we call it the “worst possible thing” exercise. So let us pretend you have quit your job. What do you imagine would be the worst possible thing that could happen to you because you quit your job? Make it the scariest thing you can imagine that you think might really happen if you no longer have a job. So what do you fear it might be that would happen? The worst thing ever that could happen? Come on, I know you can do it. Dig into your fear. Don’t be afraid to feel your fear. What is the most scary thing you can imagine that might happen if you no longer have a job?
Asker: I’ll be alone.
Bashar: Alone? Are you saying you have no friends?
Asker: It’s not that.
Bashar: All right, what do you mean?
Asker: Before I had the experience of being hospitalized and I imagine that if something like that happens to me I will not be able to think about something that is good or positive. And before I had the experience of not being able to move my body so much so that I had difficulty walking. All right, so even if I think about doing something, I won’t be able to move my body with what I’m feeling.
Bashar: That’s the scariest thing you can think of? Then that scares you a lot?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: No, just making sure. I will… I am afraid.
Bashar: But it’s not that 100% fear like it used to be?
Asker: All right, so it is changing?
Bashar: Yes. What makes it less fearful now than it used to be? What changed it?
Asker: Because in my everyday life what I wanted to happen was actually happening in reality.
Bashar: All right. And of course things happen when I’m afraid. Those things become emphasized and they manifested. These things happen.
Asker: All right, but they become emphasized. How? For example, when I get married, yes, sometimes at home I had the experience of being beaten. And at my company where I work I was subjected to sexual harassment. Right, there were things that happened because I was a woman. For example, even when I was around my neighborhood but I was almost sexually assaulted.
Bashar: All right. And so you are afraid of these kinds of things?
Asker: Yeah.
Bashar: All right. Now let me ask you a question, if I may. Do you believe that you deserve these things? Yes or no. Not that much? No, not that much? Yes or no? Are you saying that you believe you deserve to be beaten a little bit?
Asker: No, that’s not the case.
Bashar: All right, so your answer is “no, I do not deserve this.” Is that correct? All right. How does it feel when you say that? “No, I do not deserve this.” How does it feel when you say that? Well, how does it feel? How does it feel when you say “I do not deserve these negative things”? Do you feel stronger when you say that?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: All right. What do you picture yourself doing that would give you joy? Name anything at all but gives you joy.
Asker: When I am making something.
Bashar: Like what?
Asker: Some sort of art object or audio-visual work.
Bashar: All right, so are you an artist? You’re not sure? Are you an artist, yes or no? Do you make art things? Do you make creative things?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: Then why are you hesitating to say that you are an artist? Why are you not sure that you are an artist?
Asker: When I look at the work that I create, yes, it’s fine when I’m feeling well and energetic. But most of the times when I look at the work I feel I suffer when I see them.
Bashar: All right. Now pay attention to the following idea. We understand that artists will always be challenged to do better things, more creative, more expanded things. True?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: But does that mean that what you did in the past is no good anymore? Let me give you an example for you to think about. You know what a ladder is? Have you ever climbed up a ladder?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: All right. So when you put your foot on the first rung of the ladder that helps you get to the second rung?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: And the second rung helps you get to the third rung?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: And that helps you climb higher on the ladder with each step?
Asker: Yes.
Bashar: So when you are standing on the fifth rung, does that mean that the first rung is no good anymore?
Asker: No.
Bashar: You see where I am going with this? What you have done is what helped you get where you are. Should you not appreciate it for having it in that sense helped you?
Like the ladder climb up higher, should you not appreciate it in the same way that you appreciate the first rung of the ladder?
What would happen if you were standing on the fifth rung of the ladder and you said to someone, “Oh, that first rung, uh, it’s no good. It’s terrible. That first rung is worthless. It’s no good at all anymore.”
Now what if the first rung of the ladder heard you and believed you? And so the first rung now feels that it is worthless and it starts to fall apart and decay and crumble.
If you keep thinking that the rungs below you are no good, then they’re all going to break apart and pretty soon you will have no ladder at all to stand on.
But if you know that everything you have done is beautiful and should be appreciated for what it is and where it has brought you, then you will have a strong ladder that you can keep climbing on and it will take you very far.
Allow yourself to understand how strong and beautiful you are and how strong and beautiful is everything that you do. Even if you then do other things, if the things that you did before were worthless, then that means you are saying a part of you is worthless. And what you are saying then is that you are a worthless creation.
But creation does not make worthless creations. If you did not have a purpose, if you did not have a part, if you were not a beautiful part of creation, then creation would not have created you to begin with. If creation made worthless things, then those things would fall apart and creation would fall apart.
So if you still exist, then creation must believe that you are a beautiful and worthy artistic creation that it has made. It loves you. It cherishes you. And you deserve to feel the same way about yourself and everything that you do.
And when you finally believe in your true beauty and your true strength, you will no longer attract individuals and situations in your life that reflect to you the idea that you are no good.
But first you must know that it must be true that you deserve anything you can imagine, or you would not exist. Because creation does not make pointless and worthless people. Do you understand what we are saying?
Sleep on what we have said and let it sink and soak into your heart like a wonderful spring water. Do not turn away from the love of the universe. You deserve every bit of it that comes to you. You are a creation of art and everything you do is an artistic creation that is beautiful. You understand? Are blessings to you.
Managing a Business: Masculine/Feminine Energy and Beliefs
Asker: In 1993 I encountered the book of Bashar and as a result of that I went through a soul purification and I was able to apply what was written in the book and right now I am living everything happy life.
Bashar: It is about energy, masculine energy and feminine energy.
Asker: I myself just having a difficulty fusing or integrating those two energies.
Bashar: Are you sure? You sound pretty balanced. What is the difficulty you think you are having?
Asker: I run my own company. Yes. So during the daytime about 40 people work for me and they include male employees who are older than me or female employees who are younger than me. During the daytime when I’m running my own company I’m not really a very good human being.
Bashar: Why not? Feel you are a good human being?
Asker: Because people often say that people who are at the top, they make more money, they are more hated. If they’re hated then they have more power. But you said you do not feel like a good human being. All you have told us so far is what other people think about you. Do you think you are being a good human being? Do you think you are being fair and you are running your company in a fair and proper way?
Asker: Sometimes I get very emotional.
Bashar: Well, yes, but that still doesn’t answer the question. I learned from Bashar that what I want to do is to run my company with love and integrity. Do you believe that you run your company with love and integrity? Are you doing the best you can?
Asker: I am doing my best.
Bashar: Do you believe you are a bad person?
Asker: No.
Bashar: Do you believe… when other people say you are a bad person?
Asker: A couple of days ago somebody told me that and at that time I believed that.
Bashar: Why did you believe that?
Asker: Because I had difficulty running my company at that time so I had to reduce the [salary/thoroughly?] of that person so I felt a little bit guilty.
Bashar: Why did that person believe that you were a bad person? Do you know?
Asker: No.
Bashar: Why don’t you know? Did you ask them?
Asker: I did ask.
Bashar: And what did they say?
Asker: I was told that you, the president, is a cold person.
Bashar: All right. Well, it doesn’t matter what adjective you use. Did you ask them why they believe that?
Asker: I did ask.. because I was told that I am a cold person.
Bashar: Yes, but why? Why do they think you’re a cold person? What is it you are doing that makes them believe you are a cold person? What do they say makes you cold?
Asker: This is the person to whom I never really got angry with. That’s what I told this person. When I told this person she told me that whoever you are, the person who is at the top cannot be liked. He or she will be the object of hatred or dislike.
Bashar: Do you believe this idea is true?
Asker: Not now, no.
Bashar: Then forget about it. You have to recognize that it is that person’s belief system and it isn’t true for you.
However, if you want to be a really good boss then you can say to that person the following idea: if you believe that the person at the top automatically must be a bad person, then only two things are going to happen in your life. It means that if you believe that then you will only ever be working for bad people, and it means that you will never be able to be a boss because you don’t want to be a bad person. So you will never run your own company either.
So if you believe that just being the boss means you’re a bad person, then you will never be able to be your own boss and you will never be able to work for anyone else. And so you can say: “So I do not want you to be unhappy, so I’m going to give you a choice. You can either learn how you can change your belief, or you can leave. Because I know I am a good person and I am not going to let you make me become what you believe I am. So I am going to love you and be a good boss by letting you go so that you can be happy wherever it is you prefer to be happy. Because obviously you will never be happy working for someone or working for yourself. So you must go and find where you’re going to be happy, unless you change your mind about your definition of what a boss is.”
Since I am a good boss, I believe in whole systems management. Everything must work together and it must be fun, it must be creative, it must be good for all the people doing it. I want you to be happy. That is what is most important to me. I want you to be happy. So go where you will be happy or find out how to be happy if you stay.
Now this person, when you say this to them, may think you’re an even meaner boss. But that’s their fear and their issue that they need to resolve. It’s their belief and their definition, not yours.
But you know you are a good boss because what you have done is give them truly the freedom to choose, the freedom to be their true self. But that doesn’t mean that you have to keep them on your staff. So give them an opportunity to understand what their definitions and beliefs are all about and give them a chance to change them. But if they choose not to change them, let them go.
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